It's easy to come across as if I have everything together on social media as a "content creator" because I post videos of my pretty and organized notes, I post cute outfits and etc.....but, I really don't have it ALL together (maybe about 32%, lol). Today, I wanted to take a break from the pretty notes, organized study guides, and the successes I’ve shared with you to share my failures.
Like the late Nelson Mandela said,
“Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”
I’ve never resonated with something soooo much. Not just because I’m clumsy as hell and fall about 3.5 times daily, but also because I’ve failed numerous times in my 23 years and plan to fail 25674098783 more times in my lifetime. Why?! Because I’ve learned so much about life, myself and my path after each and every failure.
So here are just a few of my failures over my first year of pharmacy school!
Exams
No need to beat around the bush, your girl has bombed many exams. I won't say it's inevitable because everyone knows that one student that's literally Einstein and hasn't failed an exam in their lives....I'm NOT this student. There's no deep explanation for this one, just simply "you win some and you lose some".
Yes, there were exams I bombed because I didn't prepare as well as I should've but there were also exams I bombed after preparing VERY well for. Why did I still bomb them? Probably because I overthought and doubted myself throughout the entire exam.
There are hundreds, if not thousands, of examinations in grad school and probability wise you’re bound to have a slip up at some point. If/when it comes, learn from what you did wrong by ensuring understanding of those trouble topics before the next class or examination. For me, I attend exam review sessions to actually see what it is I got wrong! I’m not sure about your professors but mine loveeee putting the questions I missed on the next exam so I have no choice but to learn from my previous mistakes! I also learned to stop overthinking and doubting myself when taking examinations, I ONLY go back to a question if I know for sure that I may have selected the wrong answer or just needed a little time to think. Other than that, I trust my gut and it hasn't completely failed me just yet!
Zoning Out In Classes
I was a machine the first one to two months of school! I could pay attention EVERY second of my two to three hour lectures and never missed a beat. As the semester progressed, I slowly got bored depending on the topic or distracted as the two to three hour lectures continued throughout the eight hour days....
Essentially I'd find myself online shopping, reading random articles, texting, scrolling instagram and even dozing off. I count this as a failure because when it came down to studying, I was definitely in trouble. I would find myself puzzled at certain sections of the content because I didn't pay attention which resulted in me taking double the time to rewatch that portion of the lecture, then take notes, then understand the content and THEN I could officially study the content.
After getting annoyed with myself a few times I knew I'd inevitably get bored in classes and vowed to just be productive when that happens. So, I'd star my notes or powerpoint where I noticed I couldn't pay attention anymore and would start or finish study guides, complete MPH assignments, respond to organization/blog/YouTube emails, and etc. By doing this I cleared up whatever I needed to do later in the day or week and then I would only have to "catch up" on those last four to five slides I zoned out on!
Taking On Too Much
At one point I had three employers while in my first semester of pharmacy school. Yes, you read THREE! I loved my ER scribe position from my GAP year and they really didn't want me to leave so I kept extending my end date which went from August to November, lol. Secondly, I was working at least eight hours a week at my retail pharmacy internship which I obtained the May before I began pharmacy school. Lastly, come December of my P1 year I was offered a PRN inpatient hospital internship.....because I'm such a yes woman and LOVE gaining new experiences!
I count this as a failure because there were plenty times where I truly felt overwhelmed, especially alongside managing two graduate degree programs. I'd either feel unmotivated to study or complete online classwork, be exhausted, or simply my anxiety said "nope not today, I literally can't". While my grades and myself obviously survived this stressful time, I definitely wouldn't do this again! There's no experience worth deteriorating my grades, my physical health and my mental health.
Don't worry I do not have three positions right now, just two lol.
Not paying attention to my mental or physical health
I guarantee you I'm not the only graduate school student who neglected themselves and I can't even begin to stress how important it is to listen to YOU!
As mentioned in my Preparing for P1 Year blog post, One of the most important tips I can give is being able to understand when you need to take a break, go for a walk/run/workout, take a nap or just walk away from your notes for sometime. It didn't take long for me to start listening to myself because it definitely took a toll on my days which eventually affected my productivity. So, I ran more, worked out more, took breaks when I needed to and of course took naps when my body needed to! Other "mind break" hobbies for me also included writing for my blog and creating content for my Youtube channel. When working on a blog post or YouTube video for the week - I typically set aside thirty minutes to an hour each day for writing or editing time. During this time I also get comfortable, play tunes or even just call my family or lover. It's amazing what this brief break can do for my studying and more importantly my mental health!
Another thing I failed at was trying not to compare myself to my classmates or even to peers in the classes above me. I also mentioned this in my preparing for P1 year post, but let me reiterate that I TRULY had to learn to stop comparing myself to others to protect my wellbeing. Everyone mentions that once school begins, you’re all in the same boat (the boat being pharmacy school) and that there’s no need to compete with one another.....instead help and get to know one another. I’d find myself being happy with my grade then hearing another students grade that was even better and then I’m sad, I’d sometimes get defensive when discussing grades with classmates or I’d even lie about my grade to make myself feel better. In reality, I was just making myself feel worse which affected my mental health, my productivity and more. It took me just under three months to gradually stop this habit, and honestly I’m STILL growing in this area!
Every student is different.
Every student brings something different to the table.
Every student is on a different path than you.
Embrace YOUR differences and protect your energy
With all that being said, no one is perfect and that’s okay! Failure is one of those unspoken life lessons that will teach you more than ANY class could. Embrace, learn from and thank your failures boo.
I hope my vulnerability and honesty helps as you navigate your own failures!
- Ruuds